A little

Not going to take you seriously anymore.
you're right, you're messed up.

Safety zone.

后来，我总算学会了如何去爱。

可惜你早已远去，消失在人海。

后来，终于在眼泪中明白，

有些人一旦错过就不再。

        

This post is triggered by a dream I had two nights ago. I met him in my dream, we made up. Everything was perfect. He was like how I knew him and I was even more honest at being me. Then, I woke up and realise that it was too perfect to be true.
A part of me wished it will become reality, badly.
Then, I questioned myself that if I still liked him. Just like the zillion times I have already asked myself. I knew it is a no. I'm just crazily in love with the memories I had with him. Sometimes, or a little too often, I think I find reasons to justify that it is a no too. Maybe, its because I know its not possible and mainly it was me who messed up.
It feels like I'm chasing phantoms, or maybe a phantom.
The few characteristics of what I would want a guy to have stems out from him. I wondered if it is because I know what kind of guy I want more after I met him.
It could be worst, I want him, or at least someone like him.

Somehow, I know why I had this dream. I saw him, last saturday.
What if I say, everytime, even up till now, when I see him, there's a sharp pain in my heart?
So just like every other time, I saw him again and there was a sharp pain followed by this numbness that goes through my entire body. Is like I can barely think, my brain becomes null and when I regain consciousness I realize he is present. I saw him across the street, he was standing at a position I knew so well of. His image was blurry, as it was almost late night and I wasn't wearing my glasses. Though, I didn't get a clear look of his face, but that didn't stop me from recognising him.
I knew the way he stand.
It was the way he stand in court; that hall in school, beside me; during assembly...
However, just like every other time, I brushed those terrifying emotions aside.
It took the rest of my energy from the rest of the night and nothing was left to entertain anyone else.
It scares me too, how much energy this process still drains out of me.

My colleagues and I were having a discussion about relationships. It reminded of how new I am to this. A colleague who is getting married in less than two months told me this: "If it's meant to be, it will find a way back into your life. It's fate." Another individual was the first person that surface in my mind. I recall the countless time we were suppose to have ended. 

All due this word fate. 

Yet, we are still the way we are now. It's funny, because I blame a lot on fate keeping us apart way too often and yet it is also fate that pulls us back. I don't think I'm crazily in love but I like what we have now. 

In my favourite necklace and top. 

Backup plans.

Morning guys,

No school for me today ! Waking up by of a string of incoming messages can be utterly scary. I wanted to sleep in but I'm wide awake now.

Do backup plans always work? Because I beg to differ.
I saw this coming, so I had 4 other backup plans. Out of the 4 at least 2 is still keeping my interest. However, its just not the same, they don't seem to be able to surpass favourite's position.
Maybe that's why I use the label favourite.
Now, I regretted for that drunk text after the first stop. I have got to stop the habit of drunk texting. ROARS.

8 weeks later

First to start of Haiku time !

Lots of things happened

There were good and bad events

I have learnt so much

I don't know what is it about haikus that attract me. 

The abrupt sentence structure that seems to fit the bill like how I run away abruptly? 

Or the simplicity that I crave that my thinking process would be too?

Maybe its the fact that its easy to create...

However, I do know poems make me happy (:

To start of, the first six weeks of school was torturous ! Don't get me wrong, I like school and I love learning. It's just that time never seem to be enough like I wish I had more time to study, to research to learn. I met wonderful lecturers that I will never forget, they're inspiring. I met hilarious people in school too. I'm practically laughing everyday (: (:

and btw for all you concern people that wondered how many times I clubbed... only twice in 8 weeks... that makes up an average of once in a month...  (: (: (:

Once again, Happy birthday girl (: I love you to the moon and back.

You're such a confident lady now (:

BABY, BRO happy birthday ! (: See the difference between fair and tan you ~ Look at our hair colour back then... I miss my hair already and I miss your turquoise too! 

This is the part where I skipped to the "hi emotions".
Sometimes I wish I have a twin or a sibling. Then maybe, I can be more me. A lot of decisions in my life that I make, so often is ground back to my parents. Being the only hope to them can be a lot from me. Sometimes I don't know if I do it for them or myself but this is also part of me. The part that reminds me this is how I am shaped.


Will I ever not regret? I even regretted for not being able to see you and recognise you on the bridge. It sucks to have such a regret. ):

20timesJuly

This July I turn 20.
In a couple weeks, July has passby 20 times.
It's neither about the big two nor the years.
This July, I'm starting university.
I imagine how it would be like, the study, the fun and the graduation.
Now that July is just tomorrow, so is my university.
I'm nervous honestly.

Joanne dropped by just now to calm my nerves with chocolate tart and apple crumble. Thank you for your love girl, I feel appreciated. Love you <3

Carina invited me over to slack at her house that day. Honestly, I love slacking at people's house alot. Thanks baby <3

Constance thanks for dinner yesterday, I love home cooked food a lot. (;

Natalie offered me a ride to school tomorrow and that action alone made me feel so touched (': Thank you for your kind intentions. Love you <3

Photo overview of june.

3rd June

I met this girl for a cafe adventure but the cafe wasn't open. Oh well, we head to Nex for korean food and it was honestly not bad. Took a long ride back home.

It's coming to the month's end & I'm beginning to miss her. 

Friend, I know I have been busy but I will make time for you alright!

4th June

Astons with the boy (Alfred) after work. I have been trying to squeeze out every available dinner time for him before he enlist. Notice that both our collars were stripped? We didn't plan for that to happened though. I guess there's just a special chemistry. 

5th June

I met up with Alfred for some shopping. Don't know why we didn't took a photo that day even though both of us are such photo lovers? 

Hmmm.

6th June

Met Natalie for shopping at city hall. We bought quite some stuff I think. 

7th June

Went to Attica for a fashion show with Nat. We were so tempted to club. 

At swee choon for supper ^^ Food makes me happy. 

8th June

First time clubbing with Alfred and Constance. They were a lot of fun. Can't wait for Alfred to book out and go clubbing together ! ^^

12th June

Ladies night at Zouk with Nat, Joanna and friends. It was fun but bloody crowded.

14th June

Skipped body check up to look for my girl, Vera. Shopped at her workplace and had a lot of fun slacking there (; I wanna go the next time new stocks arrive !!!

15th June

19th June

Had hotpot for Carina's surprise celebration ^^ Love ya girl !

22nd June

It was Jo's birthday party and I finally got to meet Desmond. He is so cute !! We made a last minute decision to go Attica. I definitely like Attica. (:

I would definitely have more to blog about for the last week of June because I'm heading to the H&M opening with Wilson!!!! I am going to see Tanner Patrick !!!

Can't wait to meet Wilson !!!!

Test

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